Married is what I am!

Everyone knows that i'm married. And he knows that too. He has seen my wedding pictures in my FB profile (he was not invited). I tell him to move on for some misunderstandings that were unrecoverable has already been done its thing and has shown its result and the result is that i am a married woman now. whatever may be my relation with my new family, I've bound myself to it. And i don't keep any ventilation to seek pleasure outside the periphery of my wedding. He knows that all, but he wants me to marry him. So many people does that, marry me.. thats what he says.

He wants me back. Feels good to know he still loves me. but i don't want him to keep on staying on the same road in the same point where we parted. I want him to move on. I want him to get married. I know nobody will wait for me all his life. so.. its better i resist him and let him overcome this by himself. Every time he speaks his feelings.. i tell him i'm not interested. Thats what i'm going to do until he gets married and forget me.

The Anniversary !

Dec.2nd was our first anniversary. Nothing special did i plan for the day nor did i expected anything from his side. actually i didn;t want to see anything special from his side that day. (though i got a bunch of red roses under my scooter's seat after 2 days).Parent in laws are out of the country, and i'm feeling out of place again. Its been nearly a month now, since i enjoy not talking with him and not living in the same room as him. I've kind of got used to it by now. I dread talking with him, i don't like it when i hear him talk his slurry way when i happen to be near by. He don't feel shame.. if he feels that i don;t know. He pretends a lot. and he thinks that i'm pretending too. he has to keep his side always on top so that any body listening to him thinks that everything on his side is so good and superb. that gives quiet lot of irritation inside me. and that poor other one who will be listening may be thinking that this is the great family that he is hearing about.

My first trimester is finished. he was to take me to the hospital at the end of the trimester but he settled with his ego so as not to talk with me and not to take me for the checkup. i found a thousand rupees in my purse the first time and the second time 5 thousand(he put them). with that money and the other 5 thousand from the place where we keep money for other expenses i went for the check up with my friend. and how did i hate him for that, only me and myself know that. I was hoping he will understand his duty and take me to the hospital. it was his cause that we stopped talking and does he really think that i'm a wife and should beg mercy of him? how sad!!! if he thinks his ego is better and best for him. i think i wish not to bend my ego for his. well.. i may be acting stupid, but i've my own thinking in this... i don't feel happy in what i'm doing and the way our relation is in. but i wish to keep this non talking business for as long as i really need to talk with him.